July 2002 Volume 83 Number 7 "serving the protectors"

Death on duty

Injury and danger are parts of the job you expect. It requires a personal effort to deal with these issues, and a personal fight to overcome them. They are things you have a chance to control. Dealing with the death of a colleague is part of the job as well, and that is not something over which you have control.

The death of someone you know or work with leads to grieving that has been talked about in terms of stages. Feelings of disbelief, anger, helplessness and indifference; the search for answers, wishing it was you and not them, and acceptance all happen as the adjustment to the loss moves on.

Once we thought that the process happened in stages. We thought you had to go through stage one before you could go through the next. Before you reached acceptance, you needed to go through the disbelief and then the anger.

The thought now is that you go through all the stages mixed up at the same time, and often change from one feeling to another. The feelings are like those described during depression, and the similarity between grieving and depression is accepted in psychological terms.

Responding to a death with denial and disbelief occurs early, with thoughts such as: “I don’t believe it,” or “No, it can’t be true”. Originally, this was said to be a short, initial phase, but the thoughts will come back again and again as you go over the news. Questions will follow about why it happened and whether anything could have been done to stop it. Following any of these thoughts will be the logical flow-on about who was involved and how your own involvement might have altered events.

The mind – racing through all of these ideas – seems to go around in circles and will sometimes pick up on ideas like, “If only I had done this”, “They could have responded differently”, “Someone else was so stupid” or “It was their fault”.

Picking up on any of these ideas will lead to other stages of anger if you believe the events could have been changed. Sometimes, the anger will be directed at yourself because you might incorrectly judge the situation to be your own fault. The blame and self-disgust can be made worse if you have self-doubt about other parts of your life or present situation. Your own frustrations will become part of the grieving and it might be hard to separate issues in your own life from your response to the death of a colleague.

As an example, you might be aware of the pressure of your own job and the difficulties of dealing with some situations at work. You know you might make mistakes under pressure and wonder if these pressures caused the death of your colleague, and if he or she was forced into making a mistake.

Next, you might blame the cause of your own frustration as the cause of the death and become angry. These feelings are normal but what needs follow is a balanced view on why you feel that way. Grieving needs to be balanced with the reality of your own life and naturally evolving emotions after the loss; it needs to be thought through. Experts might disagree about the stages, but there is agreement on when they occur, how we go through them and about their occurrence being natural.

You become the best judge of how you should deal with these feelings. Remember that, because the feelings are complicated, and because they happen in moments of extreme emotion, it is often a good idea to seek advice on dealing with them.

If you have some doubts about where the feelings are going, do not panic. More often than not, talking to someone will lay the thoughts out in such a logical way that the mere discussion will solve the issues. Sometimes, a useful technique is to pretend that you are telling someone what the problem is or how your emotions are going through a rollercoaster ride. The act of talking, planning to talk or writing down your ideas can help. Some people go out with friends and some talk at the pub.

No matter which way you normally deal with problems, it is a good idea to use the same methods when the problem is bigger or more complicated. This is a time to use your normal coping skills to deal with this issue.

Feelings of depression or hopelessness might arise out of a sense of inevitability of death or facing your own mortality through this situation. Again, remember that it is a reflection of the extreme emotion and adjustment and not a reality that the future is hopeless, or that you are powerless to change things.

Seek help, talk to friends and remember that, even though it might take a while to work through the issues around the death of a friend or colleague, you will eventually be able to do it.

Your questions answered

Dr Pearce will answer questions on any health issue important to you. For his response, write to or fax the Police Journal with your question. Those who write need not identify themselves.

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If you prefer to correspond by e-mail, send messages to the associate editor
(brettwilliams@policejournalsa.org.au).

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