December 2001 Volume 82 Number 12 "serving the protectors"
By Trevor Haskell PASA Vice President

Mind reading

It is with fascination that I hear and read of intelligent people who believe they can read minds. It is with admiration that I hear of their feats and feel less competent as a counsellor for my lack of mind-reading capabilities. What a boon it would be not to have to ask people how they feel or why they behaved in a particular manner. It takes me hours of listening and discussion to find out what is going on in a relationship or with an individual. Yet others can observe some behaviour and immediately determine its cause and purpose.

Needless to say, the more people believe they know someone the better they are at reading his or her mind. So people who have lived or worked together for some time hardly need to speak at all. Witness the behaviour – or get it second- or third-hand – and instantly there comes an explanation of what motivated the person and why.

Now I do try reading minds. I often delude myself that I know what my wife is thinking only to fall on my face. I have become better at picking some feelings rather than others. I’ve got happy down not to badly but sometimes miss that she is laughing at me, not with me. I can generally get the hint when she is angry but often miss out on the cause. My kids are just as tricky. I like to think I know what they are thinking but constantly have to resort to speaking with them and asking them to tell me what they are feeling or thinking about an issue.

All this need to talk with people takes time and energy. How much more convenient to be able to just know what they think.

What a boon if those who can read minds can also read body language.

I was recently amazed to hear a racehorse owner comment after a race. He felt his horse should have done better and blamed the jockey. He was asked what he based his assertion on and was resolute, saying the jockey couldn’t look him in the eye. Of course, that may be absolutely self-evident to a student of body language, but, to me, it didn’t mean anything in particular. I thought it might have been that he was looking down so as not to step in horse droppings.

The ability to watch a person sit in a chair or walk past and then be able to tell what he or she is thinking and feeling is another magical art I have yet to master. I remember after watching a TV show on reading body language and, with my new knowledge, put it to the test with a client. He was constantly moving about in the chair and I put it to him that this was a sign that the issues we were speaking of made him uncomfortable. He agreed with me that he was uncomfortable and I though I was making a breakthrough in my mastery of body language but was crestfallen when he asked if I had a more comfortable chair.

The desire to read minds or body language is powerful because it satisfies a desire in most of us to be judges. We all want to be able to put people into convenient boxes so that our generalized experiences of life can be used on everyone. Stereotyping people or behaviour can be a useful starting point but little more. Stereotyping is a convenient way of avoiding finding out who they really are or of what they really feel or need.

In the workplace, many of us are cautious about how much of ourselves we show to our colleagues, whether they are peers or supervisors. I am often amazed at the judgements made in reports that move around SAPOL. The conclusions reached are often judgements – made on ascribing a purpose to a behaviour – that could only be made by intensive personal discussion or by mind reading. When explored, I find it to be mind reading.

It is a dangerous practice to judge and ascribe reason to behaviour without speaking to the person involved. It can harm relationships at home or work. If you need to know how a person feels or why they committed a particular act, then it is my belief that you cannot know without asking them.

Whether you choose to believe them creates a whole different set of judgements. People – don’t they make life interesting?

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