August 2001 Volume 82 Number 8 "serving the protectors"
Chaplaincy Languages of love
By Lindsay Mayes Chaplain to Elizabeth police

What’s your love language? I recently received excellent feedback about a message based on the book The Five Love languages by Gary Chapman. He presents numerous examples of couples and families who have experienced incredible change in their relationships after applying these principles. He claims that, as people discover their personal “love language”, they are more equipped to handle their relationships.

Chapman first introduces the concept of our “emotional tank”, which he says is filled when we experience love from those closest to us. According to Chapman, children and adults “act out” their hurt and anger when their emotional tank is empty. Accordingly, they feel contentment and energy when their love tank is filled with a language they understand and appreciate. What are the “languages”?

Words of Affirmation The Bible clearly reveals the power of the spoken word. One Proverb reads: “The tongue has the power of life and death”. With enormous potential to build up and encourage people are statements such as: “I thought you handled that situation well yesterday”, “You look great in that outfit”, or “I do appreciate you taking out the rubbish each week”.

Quality time is the second language and it refers to those moments when people give their focused attention to others. Eye contact is maintained, you don’t do something else like watch television and you listen carefully, observing body language like tone, trembling and eye movement. During quality time, you don’t interrupt him or her, and you learn to express your feelings! A good example of this language would be taking a walk together.

Chapman asserts that some people really like “receiving gifts”, and that this is their primary love language. These gifts can be a single flower, a thoughtful card or note, or a piece of paper cut into the shape of a love heart. Are you a person who feels especially touched when someone gives you a symbol of his or her love or appreciation in a gift?

Another way we human beings can “fill up the love tank” is to do “acts of service”. This can mean doing the vacuuming, washing the car, making a coffee, going to the airport or any of the countless means through which we can show love in a practical way. By serving our partner or family member, we can demonstrate that we actually do love and appreciate them.

The final love language Chapman suggests is “physical touch”. Of course, this has to be done with careful attention to others’ boundaries and what keeps them comfortable. But a hug, a touch on the shoulder, holding hands or the stroke of one’s hair can all contribute to filling up an empty tank.

Chapman says the “object of love is not getting something you want but doing something for the wellbeing of the one you love.” This is powerfully revealed in the life of Jesus in the gospels. What could happen to the emotional climate around you if people learned to speak these languages fluently?

SA Police Chaplains

Welfare Section 58	David Marr	8364 3567
	Senior Police Chaplain.
Academy 8	Brenton Daulby	8272 8324
Adelaide: Angas Street 158	Bruce Grindlay	8295 2220
Adelaide: Hindley Street 62	Bruce Grindlay	8295 2220
Adelaide Hills Division 54	Adrian Stephens	8398 2510
		Office: 8398 2517
Ceduna 214	Sybil Peacock	8625 3505
Christies Beach 20	Peter Coote	8381 3039
		0412 818 995
Clare 202	Michael Dutschke	8842 3681
Communications 172	David Hand	8376 5612
Elizabeth 52	Lindsay Mayes	8281 8088
Far North 210	John Folkman	8672 5011
Firearms/Records	Dianna Bartlett	8337 8552
Gawler 52	Brian Tscharke	8522 2288
Glenelg 22	Malcolm Thomas	8377 0772
Henley Beach 18	Tim Kowald	8449 6868
Holden Hill 44	Rod Dyson	8365 1170
Kadina 71	Vacant
Kingston 208
Mount Gambier 208	Brian Ashworth	(w) 8723 1353
		(h) 8725 2537
Murray Bridge 200	Malcolm Bottrill	8532 5536
Naracoorte 208	Bruce Cliff	8737 2457
		0417 811 702
Norwood 60	Lynton Wade	8362 2227
		0418 831 703
Nuriootpa 204	Andy Kowald	8562 1011
Port Adelaide 6	Jeff Oake	8341 5930
Port Pirie 206	Steve Ardill	8632 3977
Prosecution Services 176	Vacant
Port Augusta PS 210	Mark Thomas	8642 2487
		0401 671 850
Port Lincoln 214	Vacant
Riverland 212	Robin Zadow	8588 1540
Salisbury 53	Vacant
South East	Terry Natt	8571 1114
Sturt 12	Chris Beal	8278 9578
	Ian Dempsey	8296 7292
Tea Tree Gully 48	Bob George	8395 9363
Thebarton Barracks 32	Joe Grealy	8338 3225
Transit Division	Wayne Shepherd	8443 4895
Whyalla 218	Tony Redden	8649 3593

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